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March 30 STARTING ONCE MORE...Well, as I have stated before. It is time to lose weight! Yup, every wall I have hit in these past 90 days has just given me more determination. It seems that every time I get in the right mind set to lose, another obstical gets in the way. This time, it was a diagnosis of cancer to a loved one. Well, I have learned that it isn't the work of the devil, it is me. I apparently have deeper issues and am sabitaging myself. Yes, I am an emotional eater. Apparently, that is what I need to fix. Turn my frustrations into anger against food and win. So, if I don't want to waist another 90 days of my life making excuses after excuses then the next 90 days I should be down at least 30 pounds! RIGHT!? Who wants to challenge me? March 26 I'M STILL HERE:>)HI WENDY
 Did you think I fell off the face of the earth. I feel like I did. Jeff and I have been sick since Monday. Fevers, diarrhea, feeling foggy, just not ourselves since coming back from dads. I talked to Jack today, sounds like dad had a good day. I'm so glad he will be able to talk to other people who are going through the same thing. Some of the info Barb gave me is for patients. I will bring it next trip up north. Is there such a thing as "Hell in a Hand Basket" - I'm beginning to think so. I will be signing up for the real 100% refund Weight Watchers tomorrow. I signed up before by going to the meeting, but to get reimbursed, I have to go through our website and sign up for one of three options. I was waiting until I my refund came back from last weeks sign up, but Jeff wants me to get started so we both can get back on track. I am going to try and work it out so I can go to the meetings with a friend from my old unit. Between the two of us, we own half the stock in WW. I am going to call the oncologist about the meds I talked about in my previous blog. What about those girls on Biggest Loser!!! Way to go - that was awesome. I better go, kids are getting tired and punchy. Call me - and keep inching along - we will get there. TTFN OAO GB  It Has BegunToday was the first chemo treatement and thanks to all of your prayers ..... dad is doing GREAT! No Nausia! It looks like I may be able to concentrate on myself along with looking out for dad He said he dosen't need us to travel to the radiation appt. each day cause it only takes about 7 minutes but every Wednesday is chemo day and that takes about 3 hours. This may be Day 86 but it is a new beginning for me.  You should begin to see my numbers drop off now that I am not so emotionally crazy about dad. He was in great spirits during chemo, making my brother and me laugh  at the goofiest things....it is just like him, to be goofy that is. I have alot more hope now and it seems he does too. They keep telling us that attitude is half the battle. I think now, we are all headed in the right direction. YEAH US !!!March 25 Having CONTROL !If I can't control what happens to my dad then I really need to control what happens to me. If you knew me, you would say that is par for the course....I am a control freak! ( I don't think so, but that is what they tell me ) Starting over isn't as bad as it would seem. I ate pretty well yesterday but I am real proud of my accomplishments thus far today! I have been following a Weight Watcher Points system but really just watching the amount of food I am putting in my mouth and the exercise that I am doing for the day. I just finished a cycle on the treadmill. WOW! Did I Sweat! I am going to do another cycle before dinner. That is so I won't want to waist the workout by eating too much. It feels great to have more control in my life. The boys are home for spring break this week so they are keeping me busy too. I listened to Jillians talk show from yesterday morning and she is such an inspirational motivater! She hits the issues head on and helps you realize your triggers and sabituers. It would be sooooo AWESOME to have her as a trainer! There would be NO stopping me then! I will blog tommorrow after dad is settled in from treatment....and hopefully I will be as focused on my mission as I am today. TTFN March 24 Day 84 !!!Here we are again...another MONDAY!  With all the BAD days and even weeks Stac and I have had, we are going to have to start again!  Dad began his radiation therapy today and will have it 5 days a week for 6 or 7 weeks. He will also receive chemo every Wednesday for the same duration. They will allow his body to rest for 3 weeks and hit him with 3 more treatments of chemo. We spent the Easter weekend with him and he is beginning to show more signs of being sick. I just have this sinking feeling that he isn't gonna beat this one.  Reading all of the literature, he could possibly only be with us another 3 or 4 months. How can I even concentrate on a weightloss program about ME ?! My issues with weight aren't near the severity of his problem! I will be traveling back and forth about a 1/2 hr. each time for the treatments with dad but I will still try to blog each day. It helps me just to talk. I need to join a cancer support group and stop spilling my life to you all but I feel so much better when you's respond with such inspiration and prayers. Even if it's not about the weight issues. I will lose weight. I know it. I just wish I could say it will be while my dad is still here and can see the new me. Stacey just got off the phone with me and confessed her bad day....I will let her post it, maybe the guilt will help her to not do it again. TTFN. Oh, by the way! Those of you who asked how much my bro. Jack lost all on his own.... he started out at 310 pounds and now bounces at 208 - 220. ( with the dad issue, it is about 216 ) Thanks for your interest.March 20 Day 80!Well friends, I did it.  I posted the most embarrassing pics of us that we just took up north at dads (day 75). I have debated on doing this because since seeing them, I have been totally in shock, discusted, embarrassed, and depressed even more. I figured posting them just might help me get angry enough to fix the problem! ( I put arrows on the worst areas that need help ). Please be kind when viewing them and if you have a weak stomach....don't look at them. I also posted a new album of our brother Jack. He has been heavy for all of his adult life. He desided at a part December 31,06 that he was going to do something about his weight. He watched what he put in his mouth and joined a gym. It only took him ONE year to lose the weight. He looks and feels great! He didn't follow any diet plan, he changed the garbage food he was eating to healthy choices. I keep saying I do not want to go on a diet because diets do not work...we are all proof of that! What he did for himself has been an inspiration but I am still having a hard time staying away from the emotional bindges. Well Jack is trying to be a great support for me and I really am greatful. I know that my life change can't happen over night, If I follow in Jacks footsteps, I will succeed.March 19 I'M BACK AND I JOINED!!!HEY WENDY!!
I'm finally back after that long weekend at dads. What were you and Shelly thinking? You had some serious food at Mcedee's. I had the 2 cheeseburger meal, a chicken sandwich, and a diet coke. Yes my fry was super size!! When I came in to Kalamazoo, I drove straight to Weight Watchers but they weren't open until 5:30. I worked on Tuesday and went after work. After being on that steroid for the allergic reaction, aunt flow, and dad's famous one dollar cookies, I weighed in at ________248
. I am geared up and ready to kick this weight right where it counts. I finally made an appointment with the GYN doctor but i can't get in until May 22nd. Aunt flow isn't giving me a break. Jeff says I must hate the world I'm so mean! I drank my last diet Dr. Pepper today. There is no more in the house and I told Jeff not to buy any. If I have pop, it will be a fountain drink if I'm out and about. I will bring all of my WW info to dad's so we can make a plan. As for dad, the information you received today doesn't sound good. Jeff gets a periodical called Bottom Line Personal and this month has an artical on Natural Cancer Treatments That Really Work by Keith Block, MD. He has a book coming out later this year called Life Over Cancer. His research talks about how antioxidants can reduce the side effects of chemotherapy, and also may battle tumors and extend life. The herb Astragalus has shown to improve the immune system, increasing the activity of cancer-fighting cell and inhibiting the activity of immune cells that increase inflammation and thereby worsen cancer. Research also shows that the herb also can boost the power of some types of chemotherapy. One of the studies was done on patients with the same cancer as dads, and the pts taking astragalus with chemo had a 33% lower risk for death after 12 months and a 24% - 46% better tumor response than those not taking the herb. Another herb Ginseng, has been shown to improve energy levels, vitality, and patients had less fatigue. The patients taking the higher doses also reported greater physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Glutamine was also researched and helped reduce oral mucositis which is when the lining of the mouth and throat becomes inflamed, painful, ulcerated and prone to infection. Chemotherapy can destroy the lining and the glutamine helps limit or stop it. I think I am going to check with the doctors office and recommend we try them. We need all the help we can get. Well, it is almost 11pm and I have to work in the am so I will talk at you Friday or see you Saturday. Stay focused and keep a smile on your face!!March 18 Day 78...WOWWell, Stacey and I~along with our brother and 2 other sisters~ spent the weekend with dad. No spouses, no kids. It was like the old days. Some laughter, some tears, even some argueing. I took all my salad ingredients, my apples, and even some veggies up with me and they were all eaten. However, I still didn't follow any certain plan. We stayed up late and rose early. Not much sleep at all. I had soda and hardly any water. Not a successful health wise 3 days. I was suppose to come home on Sunday but things didn't always go as planned. I stayed an extra day so I could drive without falling asleep. Having no breakfast or lunch on Monday, the trip home started out at McDonalds. Stacey was the car in line in front of me! hmmmm. Boy did I finish off the weekend with a bang ~of food that is! I ordered 2 doubles (cheap) a large fry (to split with a sister I was taking home and a 20 pc. nugget to split with her also. We ate it all ! I felt so sick afterwards and even alittle during but that didn't stop me from finishing it all. Major emotional eating bindge. The weekend was soo stressful with little or no sleep I just wasn't thinking clearly. Stacey and I chatted a bit on the Nextels on our way home. Both feeling guilty we were eating McDonalds but we desided that we would begin again Today with a Weight Watchers plan. She has an insentive program her work just introduced that if you do Weight Watchers and reach your goal, they will reimburse the cost 100%. We have both done the program before and succeeded. So we should both do well as long as the rollercoaster ride of life has good seatbelts ! I have not weighed in this week and I am not sure I will. I do know that no matter what the scale says, today is a new day and I will stay on track as long is this day is long. Tommorrow ? Well, that would be "today" now wouldn't it.? March 14 Day 74...Making ProgressWell, I did't think I would have time to blog today before I left for dads house but time is in my corner. Stacey is already up to dads house so I know for sure she can't blog. Let me see if I can get this right. ( if not, Stacey will blog a revised issue later ) Dads appt. was unlike what we had hoped. Still with the same answer of NO SURGERY.  However, this surgeon is the same guy who did dads triple bypass back in 96 and he was extremely straight forward with a GREAT bedside manner. His thoughts on dads situation is not as grim as the others seemed to be.  He feels that dads health ( with the cancer aside ) is not statitically common in a man his age ( 71 ) so his likelyhood of surviving the treatments and delaying the inevidable is extremely high.  Dad doesn't take but only cholesterol pills. His strength is of a man near 1/2 his age. With a positive attitude and good nutrition, and the treaments of course, he could possibly live for 5 to 6 more years. Don't misunderstand me, the cancer will take his life. We just have a better handle on the course it could possibly take given the information we were given. We left the surgeon with ( much needed ) hope. All the other doctors have always been alittle grim. Even though surgery is not an option, the chances of us losing dad is inevidable, we still have the hope that he could be around acting like his goofy self for another 5 to 6 years. Thank you all again for your much needed support. Not just for the weight battle we are fighting, but for the roller coaster ride we call life.March 13 Say a Prayer Please...We go to a surgeon this afternoon with dad. We are hoping it isn't for the same answer and just delaying treatment for no reason. I have talked to Stac and she is still staying on track! AWESOME! Then there is me.... I am not doing too bad. I am having a hard time with food choices but my caloric intake daily is not too much higher then the recommended amount. We will be up to dads for the weekend and there isn't a treadmill up there. I have decided to take my STAYBALL with me so Stac and I can exercise on that. I won't be blogging until next week though, dad does not have a computer. I will blog the surgeons recomendations on Monday. I hope you all have a successful weekend and are able to stay focused! Good Luck.March 11 What a Journey!I just can't resist. I have to blog one more time before some of you leave us. We started this "Mission" with enthusiasm on Jan. 1 and had all the intentions of opening a can of "Whoop A.." Well, we didn't succeed in some of our goals, probably not even most of our goals. We did however, learn that time is precious. We are not going to quit. It may take us a bit longer to hit our goals because of the bumpy road we are on, but we will hit it. We won't quit the dreaded "I will start Monday" promise to ourselves until Monday becomes our favorite day of the week. It is time that we stand out front in a picture, time that we play with our kids while we are still cool parents and not an embarrassment to them. It is time that we can be in a croud of people and not think that the "skinny" people are looking at us with discust. We will get through this. One day at a time. Bumpy road and all. Don't forget your friends... Wendy and Stacey " SISTERS ON A MISSION " Our Mission to Succeed !
THANK YOU EVERYONE-ESPECIALLY MY SISTER WENDY!!I am not going to write a lot because for some reason, I just want to cry. Watching the Biggest Loser tonight gives me the strength to keep going. I know I will never lose 60 pounds in 10 weeks, but I know I can do what it takes to get where I need to go. Bob's tip of giving yourself a treat after each weekly weigh-in is encouraging. That gives you 2 goals to work towards each week. Dad sees the surgeon on Thursday and then its a rough road ahead. We will continue to work towards our goals together and with those who choose to keep blogging. Thank you MSN and BIGGEST LOSER for starting us on this journey!! Thank you Wendy for everything - HAPPY SISTER'S DAY TO YOU TOO!!! TTFN OAO GB - YOUR SISTER STACEY Day 71 - IT'S NOT OVER YET!Well, the contest is just about over and I didn't meet my goal of 10 pounds a month (which would be 21.5 lbs. by today)
There is one thing I learned though. GOD HAS A PLAN... and for me, it was learning that selfishness is always ugly. I have always been a very stubborn person in competition. This next year was going to be all ABOUT ME. My bubble was popped and the air let out when my dads desease was diagnosed. My priorities changed. My emotions changed. My drive changed. My stamina changed. My life changed. Nothing seemed more important than my dad. I went on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Battling with myself everyday. At first, I was in denial, I stayed on task and still lost weight. Then I came crashing down with sympathy(for myself!). I was losing my DAD! The weight began to show me who was boss! Then came the anger. I was ticked at myself for being selfish by letting my emotions take over and eating more. I didn't even weigh in one week for fear of the rising number! How am I going to get off this crazy ride?! I was losing this weight battle and losing my dad all at the same time. Life is so unfair. Then a wake up call (from my Pastor) Life isn't suppose to be fair. It is all a learning experience to head us down the right path. The plan for us isn't meant to make us angry. It is meant to help us grow and trust we don't have to do this alone. My dad needs me and my strength. He needs to know that he can leave this world having given me the most precious gift he could...life. Through changing my health, I will have a life he had always hoped I would. While still battling his disease, he can feed off my strength and positivity. I need to stay strong. I need to be at the top of my game. You have all helped me in learning that. Always telling me to stay strong - don't give up - etc. I Thank You. In your own endeavors, make your life alittle more healthy too. Who knows, someone could need your strength someday. Take all that is possible in your life ....
March 10 WE DID IT!Wendy Wendy!! We are finally back on track. It felt so good to step on the scale this morning and have a loss. I am still taking one day at a time, not looking to the future. Baby steps seem to work for me. I have to tell you about being depressed. I am not a big shopper but have been looking on E-bay for some Cricut cartridges. I got carried away and bid on 4 different items because I didn't think I would win. Well, I won 3 items, 2 of them had multiples. Needless to say, I ended up with 9 Cricut cartriges for a total of 342.00. Jeff was pretty upset. I have never spent that much money on a whim. I'm just in a daze all the time and can't really focus on anything specific. Now that I am eating better, it has helped a little with staying focused. Good job with staying focused this week even though it has been rough for you too. We are going to do this. Keep it going!!! TTFN OAO GB. Day 70 and FIGHTING!Well Sister, as you stated in your blog on Mar. 5 "I have the fight back in me" ....I am back on board. I am tired of letting my emotions get the best of me. Dad had a good weekend with Jack and wasn't a "sorry-sack" hating the world. Why can't I get past this? It peeves me! I have gotten ANGRY! And like Kae said in her message that she sent us, "Use that energy and those thoughts in the right place." She is sooo right. My emotions are tied to my eating -- I am going to re-rout them and put this anger on exercise. I don't cheat if I exercise because it makes me feel like I am waisting all the hard work I did. I am going to fight my emotions that tell me to "give up, its not worth it, lifes not fair, blah blah blah". I am soo proud of you girl! It seems we can never have the fight at the same time. That is good for the person on the "off " days, but we need to be fighters together! You keep up the fight and I am joining in! FIGHT - FIGHT - FIGHT ! Week 10 , LOOK OUT ! March 09 Roller Coaster Continues...Hmmm. How is day 69 going? I got up too late to walk the treadmill before church because of the time change. I copied and pasted Stacey's blog of information on dad and sent it out in all my e-mail friends/family so I wouldn't have to repeat myself to everyone who asked. I then added a note to my preacher on top of it and printed it out. I cried in church just because the hyms made my thoughts gear on dad. I gave the results letter to preacher after services because I didn't want him to read it and want to talk to me right away - I would only cry more. I wanted to go straight home and Rick insisted we go to his parents after church. I wasn't social at all --they are the same age as my dad. ( I am glad Rick has both of his parents yet, but I still somehow get angry that my parents are the ones to die early ) Ricks mom wanted to feed us hotdogs for lunch _( not what I should eat ) . We left there and had lunch at home.... I had freeto scoops with cheese on them and a BUNCH of grapes. ( my only food intake thus far ) I was cutting Nathans hair and bit off his head because he moved too much while I was cutting. He was real upset and wanted to know why I was so mad. They just don't get it. Question is... should they? Should they be subjected to all the stress and worries we endure just because they are unfortunate to be part of this drama filled life of mine? I am soooooo extremely tired of the UPS and DOWNS! and taking everything out on my family.! I keep telling myself to be strong for dad and some days I actually listen. Other days are just the opposite. I am short tempered with my kids and husband, I don't eat properly, and I am extremely hard on myself. I know Rick is getting the brunt of all of this, but it is real hard on my kids. They must think I am PSYCHO! As if the ups and downs of losing weight isn't enough to put them through, we get the added bonus of a death sentance in the mix! DID I MENTION.....I HATE ROLLER-COASTERS!! March 08 INFORMATION OVERLOADHey sis!!
Well, I did it!! I succeeded in making it the entire week and stuck with my goal - no cheating. I feel much better, have more energy, and really believe we are going to accomplish our mission. This blogging and being held accountable really makes a difference and has become a challenge - one that will be well worth it in the end. We are going through so much right now. When I was at your house, and talking with other family members, I could see it on their faces. They are worried about us and they really do care. Barb, a Certified Nurse Specialist, has been counseling families of cancer patients at the Mayo Clinic for several years, and she sent be a big packet of information. I will go through it all and hopefully be able to help us all get through this. To those of you wondering what the oncologist said, it wasn't good news. He was very straight forward with us and would like dad to see a thoracic surgeon to rule out surgery. He wants dad to hear it from the horses mouth wether surgery is an option and then he will proceed. Dad has 2 tumors on the right lung - a 2cm one on the upper right lobe, and a "large" sized tumor on the right middle lobe. He states because it just said large, that it is probably 3cm or more. There were "hot spots" in the mediastinum which is the middle/midline of the chest. There are several lymph nodes in that area where the bronchial tubes branch out into the lungs. He also informed us there were "hot spots" on the base of the tongue on both sides. Since he had the previous surgery in 2005, from the skin cancer, he wasn't sure if those "spots" were a result of the previos radiation. He will check with the surgeon in Ann Arbor to see if they have been there, or are they truely tumors from new cancer. We had seen the radiation oncologist prior to this appointment and he never mentioned this. He did tell dad that only 15% of lung cancer pts will survive up to and past 5 years. The other 85% won't make it that long, and it depends on your health, how well you tolerate treatment, and the progression of the cancer. The oncologist told dad he is almost 100% sure that this is primary lung, which means it did not spread from the previous skin cancer. He also stated it is from his smoking and nothing else. Dad looked very scared and almost shocked when he was reading him the results. We will take it one day at a time and help him get through this. He was in a lot of pain that day because he forgot to take his Motrin. I think he is holding out information from us kids. Looking at the pictures with Wendy and me, he looks tired and drained. We will get through this Wendy - we have no choice. Focus and take it day by day. Remember we still will be the Biggest Losers even if it is a year from now. I want to reach our goal more than anything now. Our families need us to be around for them and we have to get and stay healthy. TTFN OAO GBMarch 07 Day 67Well, I was able to push Dad into getting "a" picture with Stacey and Me. He was in quite a bit of pain yesterday so he was understandably grumpy. Stacey said she will blog the info we recieved from the oncologist. Her being a RN makes it easier to explain. We recieved our New Shirts also and had some pics of them too. I posted updated pics of us and all the pics. from yesterday in our albums. I'm a bit down and worn out from yesterday so I will blog more tomorrow with a livelier attitude.
Have a Great Day 67! March 05 BACK ON TRACK TO THE FINISH LINE:O)Hey Wendy,
Iv'e got the fight back in me It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it. I have succeeded in making it 3 days of sticking to the plan. We have nothing to complain about especially when dad has been given a life sentence. Lets create some positive energy and make progress so when times get rougher, we will have more strength. We are the strong ones of the family and he is going to need us like never before. Lets make him proud and keep a smile on his face. While watching "Biggest Loser" last night, I so wished we could get the opportunity to be on that show. They work so hard and they are real people like us. We can feel their pain and it is so inspiring. Why aren't there more people out there like Jillian and Bob who are willing to help when people need it the most. It's like the lottery, and people who are millionaires - why can't they share and put a smile on many peoples faces instead of just one. Why can't 240 million people win one million each? Make the lottery a million dollar prize no matter what- more people would buy and certainly more people would be happier. People helping people!! What a great thing to do. I can't imagine the personal reward Jillian and Bob get, to see the contestants be so successful. They are great teachers! Lets go out with a bang and do this!! TTFN OAO GBIt's Day 65!Well, a new day has come and I can say with honesty....I worked out the best ever today! Woooooh Hooooooh for MEEEE! I walked on the treadmill for 18 min.(longest ever!) doing a programed workout (with weights in each hand) THEN ... I used my new "STAYBALL by GoldsGym" . I worked on my "APRON" area the most. I'm tired of it "hangin" ~ Along with this awesome workout ~ I sanded a 5' long x 3' wide x 4' high dresser (made of oak ... by my husband Rick ) and then coated it with clear-coat. THEN... I changed my bedroom around to fit in the new dresser. I have been a busy little bee today and it feels awesome! I want to say I did all this for the right reasons ... but ... dads oncology appt. is tomorrow and I have been trying not to think about it. Stacey will be up here tonight to be at the appt. with dad and I, so maybe we will get some new pics for all to see. Like us With Dad :>) It depends on dads mood. If all is not GRIM on day 66, we will blog the news. Have a GREAT remainder 65! |
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